My hideout in my house is on my cold, hard, and speckled with hair bathroom floor. When both my parents and my brother go off to sleep, I would tip toe into my bathroom, lock the door, and arrange myself on the beat-up mat.
I would then let the tears flow. They would start out super warm and sting my eyes, forcing me to blink them out. One by one they would slide down my cheeks and land on my sweatpants.
Slowly, the rate of my tears would increase and they would flow so fast that blinking them out was no longer necessary. I would clutch my knees together, hoping that would make the tears come even faster.
Every single thing that triggered my sadness that day would speed through my mind for every inhale I took in between the sobs.
I would think about my petty fight with my mom and the things we said to each other.
I would think about how I may not be fulfilling my duties as an older sister for my brother.
I would think about my English teacher commenting on my Shakespeare acting presentation because acting in front of a class was one of my worst fears.
I would think about everything. The most serious to the stupidest. Everything.
Some days, I would watch videos and snippets of movies on repeat because I connected with them in the deepest way for some reason. The tears would get heavier and bolder as I watched the scenes.
My tears at night on my bathroom floor had meaning. That was my method or way of coping to release and unburden myself from every negative thought I was carrying that day.
Human beings tend to always show their emotions when they are ecstatic. We laugh. We smile. We play. We hug. We kiss. We are proud to be happy.
However, all of a sudden, we're sad and we shun that emotion and stomp on it until it’s buried so far deep that we eventually forget about it. Little do we know that everytime we stomp and bury it, the stronger that feeling comes back and the harder it gets to stomp it down.
For you scientific folks:
“....Crying for long periods of time releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, otherwise known as endorphins. These feel-good chemicals can help ease both physical and emotional pain. Once the endorphins are released, your body may go into somewhat of a numb stage…” (www.healthline.com)
The article, 9 Ways Crying May Benefit Your Health, from HealthLine lists the many benefits of crying that are worth checking out for anyone interested.
The next time you find yourself stomping on your tears, relax. Crying is my therapy, maybe it’s yours too. Let them out.