Letting Go of Routine

Esha Kode

02 March 2022

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Life got real tough as soon as in-person college began. It was a huge shock to my regular and monotonous routine that I had created. I caught myself getting so tangled in the possibility of not getting into a good medical school because of the plethora of things that I thought I lacked. 

I then reminded myself of my purpose: to serve and heal as a surgeon.

I freaking love the Operating Room (OR). I fell in love with it the first time I entered it when I shadowed a pediatric surgeon. It is breathtakingly beautiful how people from so many different fields work together in such an immaculate way as they open up a human body to restore. The human body was never meant to be opened up, fixed, and then closed up again! It’s jaw-dropping. 

I realize that thinking solely about my med school trajectory is so superficial. I’ll burn out so much faster if I focus on that when instead, I could focus on the purpose. 

When I say “envision your purpose,” I mean envision. Truly just picture yourself doing what you’re so very passionate about. 

I close my eyes. I see myself wearing dark blue scrubs and a hair net. I feel tiny goosebumps on my arms because I assume that the OR is always cold. I see my surgical team speaking to me as we have a patient lying on the operating table. I can feel my heart racing a tiny bit to signal to me that what I am doing is extraordinary. I feel the incisions I make and hear my mind telling me that this patient is going to be just fine. 

Watching documentaries helps me envision in even greater detail. Netflix’s A Surgeon’s Cut has further propelled me into the world of surgery. I watch that documentary every time I spiral and think about the superficial BS. 

Here’s a little note I wrote for myself a couple days ago when I was flipping shit and thought I was “falling behind.” It now sits right on my desk, so that I can look at it every day. 🙂

The essence of this post is to remind myself and all of you that yes, it is good to take it one day at a time and live in the present moment. However, sometimes when we do that, we hang onto every little detail. This is why we need to free ourselves and envision our greatest vision for ourselves. This will elevate us into a different mental dimension and will hopefully allow us to recenter. 

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